Thank you — your guide is on its way to your inbox (it can take a few minutes; please check your spam folder if you don't see it). Reaching out, even just to read, is a real and caring first step, and you don't have to take the next ones alone. Whenever you're ready, the BC Alcohol & Drug Information and Referral Service is there for families at 1-800-663-1441, 24/7. And if you ever need someone right now, call or text 988 any time. Take care of yourself, too.
First, what this guide is — and isn't
This is a compassionate starting point, not a diagnosis. There is no checklist here that can tell you whether your loved one has a substance-use problem — only a qualified health professional can assess that, and many people who are struggling go on to recover with the right support. Everything below is meant to help you notice, understand, and gently open a door — not to label anyone. Read it as a way to organize your worry into a few calm, caring next steps. And if at any point you fear for someone's immediate safety, skip straight to the crisis resources at the end of this guide and call for help — that always comes first.
1. Signs that may be worth discussing with a professional
None of these is proof of anything by itself — people have hard weeks for all kinds of reasons. They are simply patterns that, especially when several appear together and persist, can be worth raising with a doctor, counsellor, or one of the support lines below. You might gently notice: changes in routine, sleep, or energy; pulling away from family, friends, or activities they used to enjoy; shifts in mood — more irritability, anxiety, or low spells than usual; money or belongings going missing, or new financial stress that's hard to explain; less attention to responsibilities at work, school, or home; secrecy about their time or whereabouts; or them needing more of a substance to feel its effect, or seeming unwell when they go without. Clinicians sometimes explore themes like whether a person feels they should cut down, feels annoyed when others raise it, feels guilt, or uses a substance early in the day to steady themselves — but these are conversations for a trained professional to have, not a quiz for you to score at home. Your job here is only to notice with love and write down what you're seeing, so you can share it with someone qualified to help.
2. How to start a caring conversation
Pick a calm, private, unhurried moment — never in the middle of a conflict or when either of you is upset or impaired. Lead with care, not accusation. "I" statements land far better than "you" statements: "I've been worried about you and I love you," rather than "You have a problem." Then listen more than you speak, and let there be silences. Be specific and gentle about what you've noticed ("I noticed you've seemed really tired and far away lately") instead of labelling them. Ask open questions — "How have you been feeling?" — and resist the urge to fix, lecture, or extract promises. Your goal in a first conversation isn't a confession or a plan; it's simply to let them know you're a safe person who will stay in their corner. If they aren't ready to talk, that's okay — you've planted something, and you can gently return to it another day. You can also call a support line yourself, beforehand, to rehearse and steady your own nerves.
3. How to find help in British Columbia
You don't have to figure this out alone, and you don't need a diagnosis to reach out — these services help families too. A trusted starting point is the BC Alcohol & Drug Information and Referral Service (ADIRS) at 1-800-663-1441 (Greater Vancouver 604-660-9382) — free, confidential, multilingual referrals to substance-use services across BC, available 24/7. For 24/7 emotional support and mental-health information anywhere in BC, call 310 Mental Health Support at 310-6789 (no area code needed). HealthLink BC at 8-1-1 connects you to a registered nurse any time, in 130+ languages, who can help you navigate local services. If your loved one is a young person aged 12–24, Foundry BC supports youth and their caregivers at 1-833-308-6379. For culturally safe support for Indigenous peoples, the KUU-US Crisis Line is available 24/7 at 1-800-588-8717. A good first move is often a single phone call to ADIRS or 8-1-1 to talk through your specific situation with someone trained — they'll help you find the right next step, including a family doctor or local counsellor who can do a proper assessment.
4. Looking after yourself
Supporting someone you love through this is heavy, and your wellbeing matters just as much as theirs — you can't pour from an empty cup. Loving someone who's struggling can bring guilt, fear, anger, and exhaustion, and all of those feelings are normal and valid. A few things help: keep some of your own routines, sleep, and connections going; set kind, clear boundaries (caring for someone doesn't mean carrying everything for them); and find your own support — a counsellor, a doctor, or a family support group such as those ADIRS or 8-1-1 can point you to. Remember that you didn't cause this, you can't control it for them, and you can't cure it on your own — but you can love them, look after yourself, and connect them with people who are trained to help. If you ever feel overwhelmed, the same lines above are there for you, not only for them.
5. A few things to gently avoid
With the best of intentions, families sometimes do things that quietly push a loved one further away. Where you can, try to avoid: labelling them ("addict," "junkie") — it adds shame, and shame rarely helps anyone open up; lecturing, threatening, or issuing ultimatums you don't intend to keep; having the conversation when either of you is angry or when they're impaired; covering up consequences for them again and again, which can remove the very reasons they might seek help; and expecting one talk to fix everything. Try not to take their reaction personally if it's defensive — that's often fear talking, not rejection of you. And please don't wait for someone to "hit rock bottom" before reaching out for guidance: a single phone call to one of the lines above, today, costs nothing and can change the path. Steady, patient, non-judgmental love — paired with professional help — is what tends to keep the door open.
If it's an emergency — please reach out now
If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 911 right away. For a suspected overdose or poisoning, call 911, or BC Poison Control at 1-800-567-8911. If you or your loved one is in emotional crisis or having thoughts of suicide, the 988 Suicide Crisis Helpline is free and available 24/7 anywhere in Canada — you can call 988 or text 988. You never need to be certain it's "serious enough" to make these calls — that's exactly what they're there for, and reaching out is always the right move.